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Yeah, I know what you're thinking....That kid isn't trapped in a TV - He's trapped in a microwave! Well you're wrong, I'm inside my family's TV. And it SUCKS! It all started back in 1987, in a situation similar to that of the 1992 John Ritter film: Stay Tuned. Where he and his wife get sucked into a TV that is EVIL...the villain that causes this mayhem...none other than Jeffrey Jones aka....
Jeffrey Jones isn't at the root of my problems however, the evil remote control that my mom purchased however is...
Wouldn't the flames tip you off? How could she not see it was MADE IN HELL? The end result would lead to me being stuck in a TV from age 6 to 19 and still counting. She had set the "new, super cool, high-tech" remote on the coffee table in the living room. I mosied over getting ready to watch Kids Incorporated. I hit one button and my ass belonged to the TV...Like a nightmare my Mom watched in horror as I split into light beams and shimmered into the TV. I glanced around to find myself in a void, when who happened to walk in? None other then Jeffrey Jones. It turns out that he IS in fact the high rule of the underworld and I'm his newly aqquired soul. Me: How do I get out? Jeffrey Jones: It's quite simple really, all you have to do is run through a gauntlet of TV show parodies...Deadly ones, that will surely leave you without limbs or even hideously scarred when you do, if ever, get out of your TV... Then he began snickering insanely and massaged his furry red mustache...My reaction? Me: HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!! Jeffrey Jones: Don't worry you have until the year 2000 to compete in these gauntlets... Me:............HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!!!!!!
So now what have I done (and do) with myself? I sit here and look at my family looking at me. You think you have it bad! My little sister is in love with the show Designing Women. I have to sit through that shit. The only perks are when company is over and my mom and dad pretend like the TV is possessed, and it's just me LOL! You're also might be wondering how did I get into School? Well, the family decided I couldn't just be wheeled around all day in a cart, that'd look pretty silly, no? So I just watch The Learning Channel a lot. Did you know that the Midwest will have a catastrophic earthquake within the next 15 years? Or to bypass a liver failure you just have to open a balloon in the myrhoid muscle tissue....I'm pretty positive that Leonard Nimoy is the smartest man alive. He covers all that and more on TLC. There's more to my life....Lot's of stuff, but right now I have to catch Howard Stern on E! You can also catch "Wild On..." every night at 11 est...10 cntrl Oh yeah and my 1st gauntlet is coming up, I'll be sure to post it up here on genX! - Zach Klebold (from WebTV duh!) | |||
