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Halloween 2000 is about to be another one in the books. So I figured, I better write a crappy ass post with a Halloween theme. There are certain things you don't do on Halloween....Let me list some off the top of my head, and why you shouldn't do them. Chances are that you already did these things so maybe next year you won't or you can pass it along. Don't Trick or Treat at the age
of 15 or older. Even 14 is stretching it. I came up with a solution this year. 16 Year old Pubey: Uhhhh, yeah, Trick or Treat (laughs it up with friends. Because it's cool to come to someone's house and ask for free candy when you're old enough to buy your own. Let alone do it in a pair of jeans and a Billabong t-shirt when the day requires a costume.) Me: Hey Guys! Happy Halloween! Here you go, I have special treats just for you...Here's a tube sock for you....And for you, I have a roll of masking tape, only a third of it's left sorry. Where'd I get this ingenious idea (They thought I was pretty gay for doing this, F-'em)... Walter Mautthau (RIP) - Odd Couple 2, Max forgets about getting candy and gives out laundry detergent and staplers. Sure they might want to egg your house, but who cares? I still have white paint ball blotches all over my car from the beginning of summer (Never say "Sure" to a Paint ball crazed friend, when he asks can I use your POS for target practice). So let them egg the house, they'll remember that for the rest of their lives. The Night they had the developing BALLS to retaliate. Deep down though they know they shouldn't go trick or treating next year.
Don't Take Your Kid's f'n Candy! A child can also be fooled when their parent wants to "check" their candy. What a bunch of pigs. Hey, Mommy Fatty and Daddy Fatty - This is kid holiday, don't eat the kid's candy. He did the walking, he earned it. Maybe you should have walked with him instead of watching with your lethargic ass in the car.
For the Adults, Don't Have a One
Night Stand You can see the tempting side: No emotional attachment - Free and Easy sex - Maybe you have a fantasy about hooking up with a shewolf. Or Frankenstein. But don't do this! You'll probably already going to be blasted to high heavens, and you know the possibilities of making bad judgment calls on attractiveness, etc. Put in that you're stumbling around and your new found companion is wearing a mask. It's a fact, the uglies come out at Halloween, and this is the one night when they can get drunk and sloppy, and no one will remember or know how damn ugly they are.
10 Minutes before 12:00 est, so I'll close out in the name of the East. No one's reading, so who cares? Happy Halloween - Rob
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